Online Dating is Not What it Used to Be
Online dating used to be a reasonable way to meet interesting people that you had a good amount in common with. As therapists, over the years, we have noticed how things have changed for those who count on dating apps to meet people.
In the past, people would use Match or one of the other Online Dating sites to find potential partners, and they often did. Occasionally, a couple who had met online would come to counseling and have problems that were the same as those who had met in more conventional ways. We would often see couples in which one person had moved here from across the country, or even across the pond. Genuinely good relationships. Usually the worst problem we would hear about was that someone did not resemble their online photo. They were heavier, balder, shorter, older, and obviously their profile photo was not recent. For the most part, though, online dating often led to solid relationships and marriages. Over the past few years, things have changed dramatically.
Online Dating Apps
When online dating apps came into being, things started to change. Tinder allowed people to quickly and superficially judge a potential match. A greater emphasis on hooking up became prevalent. As more dating apps came out, online dating started to become more of a way to find sexual partners and superficial relationships. Over time, we started hearing less about good relationships and more about unhappy hookups. More and more people were lying about their single status and were actually married. This is still happening today.
Ghosting and Scamming
Studies show that over 50 percent of people who use online dating lie in their online profiles. Another issue that has become common is that if you manage to find what appears to be a nice person to chat with, you might spend weeks chatting, and maybe even talking on the phone. Then one day, your new found love interest stops answering. It may even have been right before you were planning to meet. Ghosted. Your messages go unread. You move on. Then maybe a month later you hear from them-they act as if nothing as happened. As horrible as that is, it is not the worst of it.
Online Dating Scammers
Scammers have become more common and more insidious in how they try to lure you into their little traps. Things start out fine, but at some point you notice an odd comment that makes you suspicious about the other person. Or maybe things go incredibly well. So well that you fall in love with the other person. At some point though, things take a bad turn. They ask you for money, and it may be for a very convincing reason. Or they ask for more information about you, and because you trust them, you give it to them. Next thing you know, they have emptied out your bank account, or you have willingly given them a sizeable chunk of your money. Only to discover they have disappeared with your money and your dignity.
Depression, Anxiety, and Trust Issues
The effects of the ghosting, scamming, and lack of honesty on people who are using online dating to find a real partner has been profound. Many people come to counseling to work through their loneliness, despair, and unhappiness. Some are traumatized by how they were treated. Some have involved the police over thefts that they have suffered.
Those who have been hurt by people ghosting them, using them, or scamming them come to therapy to learn from their own mistakes and to learn how to overcome their anxiety and depression over being alone. They no longer trust other people and fear they will spend their lives alone.
We can Help
We can help you heal and overcome the trust issues you have developed. Therapy can also help you work on better ways to meet good people and work on your anxiety or depression. Click on the Book Now button to schedule your first appointment. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to send us an email or give us a call (email@example.com or 908-857-4422). To schedule your first appointment, click on the “Book Now” button and there you will be able to select the day and time that works best for you.
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